Insurance Provider Claims Trumps Have Pre-existing Conditions


As of this morning, both Donald and Melania Trump seem to share something in common with a 1972 Pinto and Chris Christie at a Chile’s restaurant : backfires.

The President has long been an advocate of eliminating the Affordable Care Act, including getting rid of protections against companies denying coverage due to “pre-existing conditions”, which can include having chicken pox as a child, to even the briefest occurrence of crabs.  Indeed, the Trump administration is at this moment, in court attempting to squelch that very thing.

“Calling me Baba Booey all the time doesn’t seem so funny NOW, DOES IT?”

After this morning’s report that the first couple have tested positive for the deadly Coronavirus, Washinton Queefual Insurance has stated that both the Trumps will be denied coverage for any claims regarding their illness due to previous instances of unhealthy events.  An internal memo cites the President’s history of veneral disease, morbid obesity, and toupee tick infestation, while Mrs. Trump was afflicted at a young age in her native country of Slovenia with a rare condition called “Borschtecitus”, caused by the ingestion of unripened beets.

Mrs. Trump’s struggle with the disease was dramatized in the film “Rosemary’s Baby.”

Although the couple is attempting to legally fight the coverage denial, insiders say the chances aren’t good after legislation championed by a certain impeached official.  Former public wall-funder Brian Kolfage has begun a nationwide bottle collection effort so that we the people can aid with the costs of treatment.  And also, his yacht needs a new margarita machine.

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