Woman Alleges Joe Biden Touches Her Daily

HE'S A SERIAL TOUCHER!

Presumptive Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden has been weathering an accusation of kissing a former aide on the back of her head, a story that has been dominating news cycles.  But now a second woman has come forth, who alleges to media outlets that the former Vice President has been touching her : “on a daily basis.”

Jill Biden, a teacher and wife, lives in close contact with the longtime senator.  She describes him seeing her every morning and greeting her with a light hug and a suspiciously aforementioned kiss on the head.  Evenings as well have made Jill feel like the clickwheel of an Ipod as well, as Biden often sits in close proximity to her during late meals, and molests the aging educator as they share cleaning-up duties.

Sarah Huckabee, in contrast, uses paper plates in her house due to her sharp foreclaws and nasal probiscus.

If “creepy uncle Joe” doesn’t start watching himself, he might “MeToo” his way right out of this race.  That would give a clear shot to a candidate who respects women so much, he heroically bangs a porn star when his wife is pregnant.   And I think we all know where to find a gentleman of that calibur.

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