In a week filled with last-minute reconsiderations, President Trump is going to great lengths to prove he is a man willing to react quickly to new data. During a scheduled semi-sexual escapade last Sunday night, the President felt “in his guts” that First Lady Melania Trump was undeserved of any sort of physical peak due to her previous behavior, and made the choice to disengage all actions within the final 10 seconds of coitus, flopping backwards into a nearby chair to finish his own business while viewing the Sean Hannity program on Fox News.
White House intern and aide to the President, Sanders Battington, regarded an explanation to gathered press.
“Mrs. Trump has been sighing all week. She hasn’t been shopping, which is pretty much the only thing she likes to do. When they went to England, she and Donald got in this big fight about the bidet in their room. Mr. Trump was quite sure it was some kind of “mini-shower” machine, while she was just using it to fill the little coffee maker every morning. It got ugly to the point where Mrs. Trump – Melania – stormed out of their room and stayed with a model friend in Whitechapel for the rest of the trip. Whitechapel is where there are a lot of whores. I know that from watching ‘Time After Time’. Great movie.”
Neither the President nor the First Lady will comment on the purposeful cut-off of her Clooney-Moment at this time, but insiders are leaking that portraits of Ivanka Trump nailed to the bedroom ceiling may be in jeopardy after the event, and that the White House Chef has been ordered to make Sundays the permanent “Cheeseburger Night.”