The latest pandemic to hit planet earth is the coronavirus. Originating in China, this nightmare landed on our shores in Washington State this week and the nation is in a panic.
The coronavirus is an upper respiratory infection that can – in extreme cases – be fatal. Though such instances are uncommon, the spread of this contagion is still being taken very seriously.
We know all we need to about the symptoms of the disease, but virtually nothing about its cause. And so investigations into the precursors has begun at the Center for Disease Control, so far with little progress. The investigative procedure is slow, involving the process of elimination in finding the root cause. This often takes years before success is had.
But the first assumed cause of outbreak has already been dismissed as a non-factor, much to the relief of a high-powered executive in the alcoholic beverages sector.
Corona Beer CEO, the mouth-watering Satya Martin, held a press conference today to explain:
“There has been much speculation around the globe that this new virus infected people after they consumed our bottled offerings. This was understandable as we shared a name with the disease. Such a coincidence would lead anyone to assume connection.
However, I am relieved and pleased to announce to every country where our products are sold that the CDC has 100% confirmed that there is zero connection between the virus and our crappy beer.
I know that our bottled horse piss seemed to be the likely source, not because of the virus name, but because it tastes like a f**king disease, but this is not the case.
So one and all can continue to consume this disgusting crap, adding lime to it in a foolish attempt to make it taste something close to good.
So the CDC has cleared Corona Beer of giving us this infection. Doubtless though, it is making all of its drinkers ill in other ways.