The electricity and pure excitement surrounding frontrunner Joe Biden’s campaign for President is as infectious as it is pearly white. After last week’s stunning debate performance, polls show the man nicknamed the “Alabaster Disaster” ahead by eight knitting circles of jubilant senior females, and rising faster than Melania Trump on a stripper pole.
Biden’s popularity reaches over many demographics, from liberal housewives who remember fondly that he had something to do with Barack Obama, to Democratic party insiders who are confident Uncle Joe can hold shit down alright while Kamila takes a few anger-management classes or Pete Buttigieg decides he isn’t gay. In any event, as BidenBlast 2019 energizes the country, we asked some supporters why they jumped on the Joe Jet Ski:
Annie Murples, 58, Mothball, Ohio:
“I like his smile. It reminds me of when Montel tells someone he’s not the father.”
James Feltersnatch, 35, Queefington, Pa:
“I’m a big fan of Bernie’s. But I don’t think he’s going to get it, and Biden’s just rebellious enough to make me feel like Antifa even though I’m afraid of Antifa.
Kyle “Stormfront” Baller, 27, Cousinhump, NC:
“I voted for Trump because he was white and rich. But I think Biden is a lot whiter. That old boy might be related to actual mayonnaise.”
Linda Sparklerain, 41, Birkenstock, Ca:
“I really like Marianne Williamson. But at the Bacchanal last week, I went into my astral form, and her astral form was there, and she love-waved to me that Biden was going to win. So i think it’s in the stars, you know? It’s all in the stars.”
Well, no matter the reason or the rhyme, it seems like Uncle Joe won’t be “biden” much time. He certainly has an incredible zeitgeist. And he at least has a base that can accurately spell : “zeitgeist.”