It’s only the afternoon after Father’s Day, and the homemade Father’s Day card that First Son Barron Trump spent nearly a week planning, writing, and designing has already been spotted in the White House garbage dumpster, covered in McDonald’s wrappers, discarded adderall bottles, and copies of “Highlights” magazine with the maze unsuccessfully done in crayon.
The card was the result of a school project that the youngest Trump was challenged with completing. He and his fellow students at St.Mayos School For the White worked for the week leading up to the Sunday holiday, using 24-karat gold glitter, truffled-macaroni, and other elite ingredients. After several false starts, Barron decided on a money-related motif, specifically catered to his father’s interests.
Despite all the hard work and time, however, a confirmed report from White House janitor Harry Balzinshortz made clear that the card had already been…discarded.
“What really kinda gets me, is that it wasn’t even dropped in the recycling. Although, the big guy doesn’t throw anything in there. He doesn’t know what’s going on. That poor kid. I remember when it was his birthday. Trump got him some little toy he picked up in North Korea that made little pieces of his skin fall off. I was dusting that room for days. I think they oughta get that kid a psychiatrist right now. Pay him for the next 30 years.”
After the story broke, the White House immediately ordered all of it’s garbage to be incinerated to stop media thieves from obtaining the card. When asked to comment on Barron’s work, President Trump replied with a single word to the gathered throng of reporters on the South Lawn : “Who?”