Rudy Giuliani has come up with a brilliant new strategy to swing the tides of democracy to Donald Trump, loser of the 2020 presidential election.
In a statement to his gardener, while wearing boxer shorts and a sweaty t-shirt, Giuliani said that his new goal is to have the United States Constitution deemed unconstitutional for the purposes of the election:
“How can you have a fair election under the constitution when the constitution doesn’ guarantee fair elections? Nowhere in there does it say that voters have some kind of a right to vote other than how they’re told to vote.
“They even said only 3/5ths of slaves could vote, and they came out for Lincoln in record numbers.
“So what is this whole constitution thing, anyway? Some perfect document that allows me to do and say whatever I want? Yes! It certainly is! But it’s also imperfect if Donald Trump loses, and we’re asll going to prison, so that just can’t happen.
“The constitution says it can’t happen. Therefore, none of it happened. Remember that the next time you vote.”
Giuliani’s request has made it past the first committee, consisting of two of his grandchildren, several Avengers, and a cat.
The federal court system will laugh at the request sometime next week.