Hillary Clinton Dies In Naked Bungee Jumping Mishap

The truth is right in front of you

Hillary Clinton is a woman who enjoyed outdoor adventure. She participated in everything from rock climbing, to skydiving, to parasailing. She liked the thrill of it and the pure adrenaline rush. But with these thrills come inherent dangers. Which she sadly found out today.

Hillary had travelled to Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada, to participate in an annual charity event – The Naked Bungee Jump. She was full of excitement, not having leaped from a bridge before and danced with glee all the way there. “Psyched” was the word she used to describe her state.

Once there, she was given full instruction of how to proceed and how to apply her harness for safety. She barely listened. After all, she used to be Secretary of State. She knew all about danger.

As it turns out, it was not the jump itself that would prove dangerous, but her naked form.

When the former First Lady stripped down and stood on the bridge in all her glory, preparing her harness, her instructor screamed in terror at her nakedness……and pushed her off the edge. As he put it:

“It was horrible! A pale, misshapen form suddenly appeared in front of me and I didn’t know what it was. It didn’t look human, that’s for sure. So I reacted as one does when one faces such danger. I lashed out in self-defense.

Hillary Clinton’s body was found in a horrible state.

She thought that was the gig, that the actual jump was taking place after I pushed. She laughed all the way down like some sort of freak.

I feel terrible but she really has no business showing off that body.”

RIP Hillary. May you be jumping for joy in the afterworld for eternity.