Hillary Clinton Dies In Tragic Carbonite Incident

The truth is right in front of you

Former first lady Hillary Clinton met her end today at a costume party that was held in a foodstuff freezing facility called “Carbonite Cooling.” She was 102.

Clinton was invited to the costume ball to help celebrate a revolutionary new freezing method for food transportation called “Carbonite.” Her costume choice was, of course, Satan, as it always is.

Carbonate is a liquid substance made from carbon gas that can change into a solid through rapid freezing. Goods can be encased in carbonite for preservation, through a process known as “carbon-freezing.” It is also experimentally being tested on humans to help them endure long voyages. The most famous of these test subjects was, of course, Han Solo, who involuntarily underwent the procedure at the hands of Anakin Skywalker at the facility on Bespin. That subject, like so many others, was a resounding success.

Solo’s freezing was crude, unlike the statuesque result of Clinton’s

But the technology at the facility Hillary Clinton was at was new and not yet proven safe on human subjects. That didn’t stop Clinton from using her political clout to demand it be tried out on her. The result was an expected one by those familiar with the technology. The former Miss Rodham did not make it.

A worker at the at the lab, Mr. See Threepeeo, at first expressed hope that she would be well:

“Oh. They’ve encased her in Carbonite. She should be quite well protected. If she survived the freezing process, that is.”

When told that she absolutely did not survive the process, Threepeeo shrugged his shoulders and sighed,

“Oh well. She should have known better but, then again, Hillary has never been that bright.”

Hillary is now frozen forever appearing as a gleeful Baphomet. Her husband, Bill, plans to display her in the foyer of the grand new mansion he will buy with insurance money collected as a result of her death.

RIP Hillary. May the force be with you.