Hillary Clinton has passed away, succumbing to her wounds after being attacked by a violent pigeon gang who were out on a pecking rampage in a Seattle park.
Pigeon gangs have increased in numbers in recent years, crossing the border illegally from Canada to wreak havoc on the streets of America. They are violent and sociopathic and don’t care who they hurt or how many families they devastate.
They travel in packs, cowards that they are, unwilling to confront any people one on one. They are savages. They are nothing more than beasts. Completely inhuman.
One of these packs found Clinton this morning and launched their attack. They started by taunting, circling above her head with inches, occasionally brushing a wing against her hair. This is how they create terror. It amuses them. We are their toys.
Soon they began to dive bomb at Hillary, pecking her flesh as they struck. Clinton screamed in fear and agony but to no avail. Plenty of people saw her distress but nobody cared about her enough to actually go to her aid. And so Hilly fell. And the pigeon alit in order to line up and tear her flesh from her helpless body one tiny peck at a time.
RIP Hillary. May the afterlife grant you wings of your own to fly from danger and up to happiness.