The body of Hillary Clinton was found today in the jungles of a small island in the Pacific Ocean. The island was unknown to the world until recently and was quite unique, having seemingly been passed over by time over the past several millennia.
This “time warp” explains the cause of Clinton’s death. You see, this particular island is still inhabited by prehistoric creatures – dinosaurs and the like. Hillary’s body had been found completely ravaged by creatures that would fit the description of the velociraptor. This, of course, seemed unlikely… until the raptors were actually spotted.
The tale of her being eaten by raptors had first been presented by her husband, Bill. All had dismissed this as the ravings of a lunatic, as the couple had been missing for several months now and it was presumed the former president had simply gone mad as a result of being isolated on this island, until the government rescue team pinpointed their location and came to their aid.
President Clinton told a tearful tale of his beloved wife protecting him by gnashing her teeth, snarling, and fighting off the raptors with her bare hands and sharp fangs.
“She managed to kill, like, 18 of them. But finally, exhausted, they swarmed her and she died. She saved my life.
Even after death she kept me alive. Like I said, she killed 18 of them. As it turns out, velociraptor meat is quite tasty.
I love you Hilly.”
This is a horrific tale of one who, it seems, died a hero, doing a job that even the president’s Secret Service detail could not.
RIP Hillary. Time will not forget you.