Hillary Clinton is Dead

Hillary Clinton is no more. Her week-long trip to Washington was cut short when she woke up dead this morning. According to those close to her when it happened, it was a complete surprise. Huma Abedin, her best friend and secret lover, says she never saw it coming:

“I never saw it coming.”

Clinton herself hasn’t commented on her death, because she’s dead, but a guy at the hospital named Lou said she was well-respected and a vital member of the community. Abedin gave him 10 bucks and a pack of smokes.

This concludes the killing for this week. Sorry. I’m out of weed.

 

About Flagg Eagleton 15 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.