Hillary Clinton is Dead

Hillary Clinton is no more. Her week-long trip to Washington was cut short when she woke up dead this morning. According to those close to her when it happened, it was a complete surprise. Huma Abedin, her best friend and secret lover, says she never saw it coming:

“I never saw it coming.”

Clinton herself hasn’t commented on her death, because she’s dead, but a guy at the hospital named Lou said she was well-respected and a vital member of the community. Abedin gave him 10 bucks and a pack of smokes.

This concludes the killing for this week. Sorry. I’m out of weed.


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About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 32 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.