Hillary Clinton was slain this morning in some misty woods by a band of terrorists who refer to themselves as the “Knights of Ni.”
She was on a search for the prize of prizes, the Holy Grail, in order to harness its power and become invincible, but as she neared her goal, she was unable to appease the Knights and all was lost.
Upon first encounter, the Ni stopped her party, refusing her request to pass and demanding a sacrifice. Clinton, drawing on her experience as a former Secretary of State, naturally refused to bend to the will of terrorists and refused any further negotiations.
This enraged the villains, who began to scream, “NI! NI! NI!” repeatedly, causing Hillary to cower in fear,so vicious was the attack. She eventually bent, going against US policy, and set about on a quest to find the shrubbery sacrifice specified by her assailants.
But, as she did with everything in life, she failed. She reapproached the band with but a twig in hand and offered it as sufficient sacrifice. The Knights were unimpressed and lopped off her head.
It was a noble quest that Clinton was on, seeking out the Goblet of God, for which so many had perished before her, but she was not the right person for the job. She should have seen this but did not. And now she is dead for the cut was beyond a flesh wound.
RIP Hillary. May you drink from the chalice in the afterlife.