Tragedy struck the nation today in Hawaii as Hillary Clinton died during another of her thrill seeking adventures, this time as a human cannonball. Clinton, a confirmed adrenaline junky, set up this latest adventure to emulate her hero of old, the late Evel Kneval. The plan was to be shot from a cannon on a Honolulu beach, strip in midair to show off her new and bountiful breasts to the world, and end up diving into the waters of the Pacific, safe and sound. But a miscalculation by the cannon firer person ended her dream horribly, resulting in her landing not in the planned safe zone, but 50 miles further in shark infested waters. Watchers in a helicopter above witnessed her head being bitten off then spat out by a Great White immediately upon impact.
The chief cannon firer person, Joe Barron, was understandably devastated by the senseless death, stating:
“The calculations made for the event were done pre-breast augmentation and so were for her previous weight and body shape. The introduction of her gargantuan implants threw everything off. She didn’t tell us she was going to have the surgery. We were unprepared.
I know it’s not my fault but I still feel guilty. She was truly a wonderful woman and now with massive abs wonderful fun bags. I would have hit that.”
RIP Hillary. May you soar through eternity.