Hillary Clinton has left this mortal coil. She succumbed to a brain hemorrhage this evening and it quickly took her life. Her family and many millions of voters will miss her dearly.
Clinton’s passing occurred at home while watching the speech from President Trump this afternoon. Her husband, Bill, told the press and that she was appalled by what she heard and could not hide her disdain. As it turns out, it is this attitude that directly led to her death.
Arousal-inducing medical examiner, Satya Martin, explains:
“Mrs. Clinton experienced what we in the medical community call a ‘mind blowing experience.’ She was watching the president speech in total disbelief, feeling all sorts of disdain.
This mental response caused her to begin rapid eye rolling. As the speech went on, these rolls became much more violent and pronounced. They also greatly increased in frequency.
The result of such an event is predictable. Clinton’s flurry of eye rolling led to a severe brain hemorrhage because of the proximity of the orbital area to the brain. The violence of her rolling caused pressure on her brain which led to the hemorrhage. Death was instantaneous.”
Martin went on to explain the rarity of such an occurrence and that she had never in her 30 years in medicine come across it herself before now. Hillary Clinton was a rare bird indeed.
RIP Hillary. May you receive harmless googly eyes in the afterlife.