Hillary Clinton Chokes To Death During Hot Dog Eating Contest

The truth is right in front of you

Hillary Clinton had her indulgences and today they caused her early demise. For one of those vices was gluttony, one she actually took pride in. So much so that she vigourously participated in eating contests. And so a hotdog took her life.

The former first lady loved to eat. And she loved to show off. So hot dog eating contests were ideal for her, as they satisfied both her indulgence and her conceit.

At this particular show, Hillary showed fierce determination to take home the crown of victory. She stuffed her face like never before, saliva pouring from her mouth and hotdog grease smeared all over her face as she shovelled wiener after wiener into her gaping maw.

It appeared as though she would take home victory as she was eight dogs ahead of her closest competitor but then tragedy struck. Within seconds, Clinton clutched her throat, turned a lovely shade of blue, and dropped dead from Sausage Asphyxiation, a malady that has claimed many lives on the professional eating circuit.

Due to death, she was immediately disqualified and her potential trophy taken away. The eventual victor ran laps around her lifeless body, fists pumping in the air.

RIP Hillary. May your appetite be sated at last in the next life.