Everyone knows about Donald Trump’s best selling book, The Art Of The Deal. What you don’t know is there’s a companion piece to that book called “The Art Of Porking Your Daughter”. It was released 5 years after the original, when Trump finished it. It tells how to be successful at sleeping with his favorite daughter, Ivanka.
The book is rather long and describes in detail, gory detail about how The Donald managed to make his dreams come true about sleeping with one of the most beautiful women in the world — to him — Ivanka Trump. There are sections detailing how to make your mail order wife believe that you have a normal, loving relationship with Ivanka and getting rid of the two Beavis & Butthead looking morons, Eric and Don Jr.
“Showering with Ivanka is very important, and impressive “ said the Donald in an interview. “Unlike Melania, there is almost no plastic, and she’s very smooth.”
We gagged a bit too…
One of his favorite things, he added, is when Ivanka lifts up his gut to get to “Daddy’s sword”, which he claims is at least 9-10 inches. Several people debunk this claim, saying it’s like the little mushroom in Mario Cart. “it’s sad and small, kind of like the audience this story article will reach” said Stormy Daniels, who once slept with Donald for money.
The book goes also says that Donald has to work around finishing too quickly, as to not embarrass himself in front of the first daughter. “I usually have to distract her with a new car or something, because she most likely hates me too, but she knows where her bread is buttered, and it’s all from daddy’s sword!” he exclaimed, knowing all too well as soon as that fat bastard croaks, she will be running to the National Enquirer to tell her story of Daddy’s Droopy Balls.
“My daughter is a piece of ass” Trump said on the Howard Stern radio show a few years ago. In the book he finished that sentiment, saying “she’s the most expensive piece of ass he’s ever had, and she let me grab her by the kitty, because when you’re famous, and rich, my daughter let’s me do that!” He says proudly. This is Alabama locker room talk apparently.
The last part of the book speaks of the cosplay they engage in. Donald said that she dresses like a Fast Food employee, strips down and feeds him Big Macs and covers herself in the special sauce and Diet Coke. “Because Daddy gets really excited for Big Macs!” We will be throwing up now. Pick up the book if you need to get on the vomit diet at really shady adult shops near you.