ICE Denies Deporting American Citizen

The truth is right in front of you

A man residing in Tijuana is claiming he was wrongly deported to Mexico as he was born in America, a citizen of the United States.

Mr C. Marin claims he was rounded up in an ICE sweep today just because he happened to be in East LA, speaking to several gentlemen who, as it turns out, were illegal. He denies having knowledge of their status and suggests that he was found to be “guilty by association”, without sustainable charge and without trial……..and with an immediate “sentence” of being put on a bus and dropped off on the other side of the border.

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, tried to come to the aid of the illegal residents, but to no avail.

While speaking to our reporter, he outlined a description of the interview he had with his arresting officer:

ICE: Where were you born?

CM: What?

ICE: Read my lips, El Paco. Where were you born?

CM: I was born in East LA, man

ICE: Sure, sure. If you were born in East LA, the who’s the President of the United States?

CM: I-I don’t know. That – that guy who was on TV. That guy in the suit…. He used to be on ‘The Apprentice”…uh, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

ICE: Get him outa here

On a bright note, Marin has found love in Mexico.

And that, Marin claims, was that. He deposited in Mexico with nothing but the clothes on his back. He was not carrying ID and that has thus far made his return impossible. But he’s determined to do so and has said he plans to sue upon getting back home.

ICE officials had no comment by the time of publication.