Ilhan Omar’s Criminal Past Revealed

Since being sworn in to the House this year, Muslammic Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar, has been a thorn in the side of her Republican counterparts. She continually touts herself as being pure and well intentioned, a model citizen who wants the best for her community and the country.

At the same time though, Omar has obviously been working the system – making shady deals, offering bribes, and stabbing people in the back – in order to  implement Sharona Law across the country. She’s been hiding her actions well but we all know they’re happening. After all, she’s a Mussalama. It’s what they do.

As it turns out, Mrs. Omar is not the squeaky clean citizen she claims to be. This reporter has discovered a dark and smelly secret from Omar’s past. Ilhan Omar has a criminal record.

Omar soon brought Sangria Law to the jail cells.

Back in September of 1980, a young Ilhan Omar, née Khan, was living the carefree life of a freeloading Ethiopian illegal immigrant in Minnesota. She got her monthly welfare check, never worked, and stole jobs from real Americans. And, of course, she had a boyfriend – a man named Lewellan Dowd.

It seems that one evening during the young couple’s raucous sexual escapades, Dowd offended Miss Khan. Mr Dowd passed gas into the face of Ilhan and it was then that she showed her true Musslamania.

Ilhan rose screaming, grabbed a steak knife and stabbed Lewellan repeatedly. He lived but continues to suffer psychological trauma from the event, exasperated each and every time that he passes wind.

Omar was in possession of noxious gas at the time of her arrest.

And Khan/Omar? She got a slap on the wrist by a liberal, immigrant loving judge : 5 years probation. But her criminal record remains intact. With luck word will spread about this horrific crime and her resignation will be forced.