Kellogg’s Campaign To Spread The Gay A Resounding Success

The truth is right in front of you

Kellogg’s cereal brand recently launched a new LGBTQ themed breakfast cereal dubbed “All Together” that they claim is intended to celebrate diversity and stand with the LGBTQ community’s fight for rights. But, thanks to the right-wing community, we know that the scheme behind this launch is much more sinister.

Homophobic activists have revealed inter-office communications that show the true intention of the cereal’s release – to spread the gay. And there is some evidence to show that the program has so far had some moderate success.

Early reports have shown that as many as 9387 children across the USA have been infected with the gay as a result of gazing at the colorful box while enjoying their breakfast and Kellogg’s is thrilled with the numbers. Gay indoctrination manager, Joe Barron, shared with us the company’s joy:

“We were confident that some success would be achieved. The formula was simple – show some support for Pride, state as much on the box, make the box colorful, and voila! Instant gay. A tried and true system. It never fails. Eating foods meant to show solidarity with those of other sexualities is proven to deliver the gay into otherwise normal heterosexual beings time and time again.”

Take the case of 10 year old Joe Barron, as told to us by his mother:

“Little Joey was, by all accounts, a normal little boy who saw homosexuality as an abhorrent sin in the eyes of God. But after eating from that box just twice, gazing at it throughout his meal, he was suddenly singing show tunes, sporting rainbows on all his clothing, and planning brunches. The change was absolute. He was the opposite of what he once was.

And now he’ll burn in hell for all eternity because of Kellogg’s and their evil plans. I say we boycott.”

Why our government allows this type of clear indoctrination is anyone’s guess. The eternal life of our children is at risk and nobody cares.