Tragedy has struck in the deserts of the southwest where the flattened body of former First Lady and Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton was found today. Hillary was pronounced dead at the scene by New Mexico State Medical Examiner, Celina Rael Garcia, stating that Hillary had fallen as a result of “massive, heavy blunt force trauma to the head, shoulders, knees, and toes,” adding, “The victim never had a chance.”
Chief Detective on the scene, Det. R. Oadrunner, suspects foul play and says he has a suspect in mind.
“This is trademark Coyote. A large anvil from the Acme Company was found next to the body. Acme is Wile E. Coyote’s preferred source from which to purchase his weapons for murder. The anvil is like his calling card. This has his markings all over it.”
Detective Oadrunner has a long history with Coyote. The two go back decades, playing a game of cat and mouse, Oadrunner being the cat, often trapping Coyote but never being able to bring him to justice.
it is unclear what Clinton was doing in the middle of the desert on this day, nor is it apparent what grudge Coyote had against her that would lead him to seek her death. She is definitely dead though, and flat and round as a pancake.
Garcia added to her findings by saying,
“It appears Clinton did not immediately go to death. Tracks around where the body was found would seem to indicate that she did an accordion walk after the object initially hit her. It must’ve been extremely painful.”
By presstime, Mr. Coyote had been arrested and charged with the murder of Hillary Clinton. He awaits trial in the cells of a Santa Fé courthouse.