Hillary Clinton died today at “The Mud Bowl”, a mud wrestling forum in Las Vegas, NV where she plied her post-politics trade on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays under the performance name of “Killary:Cum Deep In My State”
And she was a champion, undefeated from her first match to her last, so gifted was she at the majestic sport. Opponents feared her and the men adored her. She had it all. She loved to throw on her two piece suit and waddle into the muddy pit, the crowd cheering her on.
Today, though, all did not go as planned. There would be no arms thrown in the air after a win because she would not make it through.
Halfway through her bout, Hillary lunged across the muck for her next attack. It was then that her right leg slipped out from under her. So powerful was this motion that it came right up in front of her, flew straight up, kicked herself in the head, and killed her instantly upon impact. She felt no pain, only sweet, everlasting peace.
The forum will be lifting a banner in her memory on Monday, when her next fight would have been. Just another trophy to add to a life filled with them.
RIP Hillary. May the heavens be the mud pit of your dreams.