Nancy Pelosi Showed Up For Work So Drunk She Had to be Escorted Home

Nancy Pelosi is a hot mess. She showed up at work today so drunk that her own aides had to convince her to let them take her home.

Pelosi first showed signs of her inability to lead a Congressional session when she called for morning prayers and started singing “I’m a Little Tea Kettle.” After that, she began reading the names of the members of the House, repeating them like Ben Stein if they didn’t answer. Then she said they were tabling the day’s business in favor of binge-watching season 2 of “Rick and Morty.”

Her aides knew the problem and moved quickly to solve it. According to spokesman for the Speaker, Art Rubolls:

“Nancy just needed a bit of a nap. She wasn’t drunk because she doesn’t drink. She’s 80-years-old and thought a song and Ferris Bueller reference might make some of the young reps feel more at ease in these tense times. They’re very impressionable.”

Nancy was making a fool of herself to make the new jerks in Congress feel welcome? All they want to do is rid our country of motorcycles and bacon. They shouldn’t even be in Congress and now we have the Speaker of the House singing nursery rhymes on the floor of the House? These are certainly ludicrous times we live in.

Nancy’s AA sponsor, Republican Senator Mitch McConnell, says Nancy has been missing meetings and drinking more than usual, but that she shouldn’t be judged for having a disease:

“Judge her on her politics, not her drinking.”

Well said, Mitch. Sometimes he’s a real stand-up guy. Obviously, he’s too weak to use this against Pelosi to destroy her, which means he’s also a RINO. Pelosi’s drinking certainly has opened a can of ugly worms.

About Flagg Eagleton 15 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.