Many people alleged over the last decade that Sasha and Malia Obama were not the biological children of Barack and Michelle. It was said that they were “borrowed” from another couple to act as their offspring simply for political optics.
Now Barack Obama is striking back with a ridiculous assertion about First Daughter and White House Chief of Staff, Ivanka Trump. He is claiming that she is not the daughter of President Trump. And if that weren’t ludicrous enough, he’s saying that she isn’t even fully human, but rather a half human, half animal hybrid created in a lab at Donald Trump’s request.
In a recent PowerPoint presentation in front of a high school biology class that discussed hybrid technology, Obama explained his accusation :
“I have evidence – I have irrefutable proof that Ivanka Trump is a combination life form of her mother, Ivana, and a lower animal, most likely an ostrich, though llama, giraffe, or alpaca are also good possibilities.
The telltale sign is her neck. Look at it! It’s huge! I mean, I like a long neck. A long neck on a woman can be very sexy, but that thing? That’s not natural. That’s not human. At least not entirely.
She has been seen to peck at the food on her plate when she thought no one was around. That is not human. That is not normal.
We, the people, are demanding that Ivanka Trump submit to DNA testing so that we may know once and for all what she is. The American people do not want some freakish, half-human, necked, bird type thing in our White House.
Thank you kids! Don’t do drugs! Stay in school! Obama out!”
Neither President Trump nor any of Ivanka’s staff were available for comment, though one of her staff members did see fit to mention, “She does run freakishly fast.”