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Support Local Journalism. the Cleveland Scene Press Club. Hence, polyamory—the honest way of dating more than one person at a time. By the end of the day, what you want boils down to personal preferences—some people prefer polyamory, some monogamy. Why argue about it?


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Having multiple partners to bring chicken soup or vent about your boss with or cry on their shoulders can offer incredible emotional and physical support. Whether it is being open to flirting or contact improv or staying fit, polyamory keeps me more on my toes, introduces me to new ideas and ways of being, and reminds me to not take any of my relationships for granted.

Or a new partner takes your sex life to a whole new level and you are no longer interested in the vanilla sex or lack of sex you had before. Small Dating Pool It is hard enough to find one partner who is within an acceptable age range, geographically available, physically attractive, and emotionally compatible.

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But to me, it is all gray areas. This would be fine except she also wanted me to drop my longstanding relationship with Morgaine.

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A family member is in trouble or passes away. Banner. Couple Privilege Finally, secondaries in relationship with a member of a couple can often feel the needs of their metamour come before their own. Jealousy While also a problem in monogamous relationships, opportunities to experience jealousy and fear of missing out FOMO are more common when there are multiple partners. Work sucks! Love is often seen as a zero-sum resource and we often feel we have to prevent our partners from loving others for fear that it will deplete the love they have for us.

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Log In. Pros and Cons of Polyamory Posted on July 16, by art. Similar to switching from fossil fuels to solar energy, polyamory reminds us that, like the sun, love is abundant and can be shared with multiple people in non-threatening ways.

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Complexity While the feeling of love is polyamory Bend dating, time and energy are often scarce resources and polyamory demands a lot of both. Black Mountain, NC. Our work is made possible thanks to community lovers like you! POLY CONS Lest we become pollyannaish about polyamory, here are some of the downsides of loving multiple partners: Jealousy While also a problem in monogamous relationships, opportunities to experience jealousy and fear of missing out FOMO are more common when there are multiple partners.

Difficult emotions? To support and promote the development of intentional communities as pathways towards a more sustainable and just world. Personal Growth In my blog post at consciouspolyamory. I was proud of what we achieved together and thought our marriage was bulletproof. Balancing schedules and parenting duties when kids are involvedprocessing emotions and relationship dynamics, and striving to meet diverse expectations can sometimes make poly feel like a Cirque du Soleil act.

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Expanded Love When it comes to love, our society suffers from a scarcity mentality. It has been a deeply painful and confusing time in my life, but also a period of deep learning and insight.

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Adding polyamory as a dating criteria reduces this pool of potential partners considerably, especially in less populated areas and locations where there is widespread intolerance of alternative lifestyles. A massage?

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Stewarding the communities movement for over 30 years! Lest we become pollyannaish about polyamory, here are some of the downsides of loving multiple partners:. Like any style of relationship it comes with pros and cons that we each need to weigh for ourselves. New partners might fall deeply in love and want more than was originally agreed to; a primary partner might decide to become monogamous and demand that you do likewise it happens! In order to better serve your experience on ic.

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This can be scary for the original partner, especially when it seems their worst fear is being realized by their partner being lured away by a younger or more beautiful, intelligent, compatible, etc. OK No. Negotiating Change All relationships evolve over time and change is difficult enough to negotiate between two people. In poly relationships, there is both more change and more people to negotiate with, which makes boundaries and expectations an ever moving target.

This requires a lot of communication, but hopefully in greater clarity around our relationship dynamics, comfort levels, and boundaries. Is it okay to have close friends of the attractive gender s?

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Hopefully, polyamory will eventually become just another choice that is available without social stigma or judgment. I hope they prove useful to others exploring whether or how to be in loving, consensual relationships with multiple partners. After losing a deeply ificant relationship a few months ago, Guin decided she now wants to be monogamous. While full of growth opportunities and new relationship energy NREnew relationships can also make it easy to avoid the hard and often painful work of resolving problems and maintaining passion within existing relationships.

On the downside, this can also raise the bar for our original partners, which I will discuss below. Register with our link to receive log-on information.

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A kiss? I reluctantly became polyamorous 25 years ago when my wife, Guin, asked to open our marriage. You must be logged in to post a comment. This can be a challenge when only one partner enjoys spooning all night or public displays of affection PDAs or winter camping or strip poker or BDSM or…well, you get the idea.

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Polyamory is clearly not for everyone, but then again neither is monogamy. However, it can be very unpleasant to experience on both ends! You may develop a deep intellectual connection with someone that makes your old partner seem dull in comparison. Donate to support a thriving communities movement and become a FIC Member for a host of special membership benefits. Is it okay to share secrets with them? Until now… After losing a deeply ificant relationship a few months ago, Guin decided she now wants to be monogamous.

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Added Support Life is hard sometimes. Health Risks Obviously, being with multiple partners, who themselves may have multiple partners, increases the chance of becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. And when living together, combining incomes and extra help with household chores and raising kids can make life much easier for everyone.

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And men tend to have an even harder time finding poly partners than women, which often le to imbalance and frustration within open couples. Raising the Bar With polyamory, it is common to get certain needs met in new relationships to an extent you did not expect or even think was possible.

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And really, on our deathbeds, will any of us regret trying to have loved more deeply and more often? Until then, I appreciate those who are openly loving multiple partners as it is making it easier for those who follow and it is also challenging some antiquated cultural narratives in order to allow more love in our lives. Expanded Opportunities With monogamy, most or all of our needs are expected to be met within the relationship.

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OR, it can be an opportunity to appreciate and accept our differences and perhaps even to explore new ways of relating to those we love. All rights reserved.

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This article is adapted from a blog post published May 1, at consciouspolyamory. Many friends expected our marriage to end decades ago with one of us running off with another lover, but I was convinced we lasted so long because we allowed space for other lovers. Over generations, marriage has become less about property and politics, and biracial and gay marriages have expanded its definition. Leave a Reply Cancel reply You must be logged in to post a comment. As a result, secondaries often pay a heavy toll when their partners do not acknowledge them publicly.

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