The mysterious and alarming explosion of a recreational vehicle in front of an AT&T building on Christmas has puzzled authorities. Was it terrorism? A political or religious extremist? Kelsey Grammar’s overly gaseous wife?
Now, thanks to the unique brand of journalism boasted by Eye on the Afterlife, we have the entire sordid tale straight from the mouth of the deceased blower-upper himself, Quinn Warner.
“I’d kinda been staying in the RV, you know, because my buddy Eddie’s wife is some kind of Mormon or something, and wouldn’t let me crash at their place because of some gay ass shitstains on my shirt. Man, I ain’t got but two shirts, and they got washed when I had to grab some change out of a sewer pipe last week. Anyway, I’d been saving a turkey pot pie for the holiday, you know, and the RV ain’t had no oven cept the microwave. I forgot them things have metal little bowls there. Fucker blew right up and lit right into my collection of lighter fluid cans. Next thing I know, I’m here. Didn’t even get my pie.”
Now you know the truth. Please tell all the super Facebook internet expert detectives to stop sharing videos and yelling about missles and evil voting machines. AT&T doesn’t even touch those.