Hillary Clinton died today while on what should have been a dream cruise. Her voyage aboard the Pacific Princess had been planned for more than a year. She was hoping to find love. Instead, she found her DOOM
Hillary and Bill Clinton, married for so many years, recently decided to take a break. From what we understand, the Mrs. had finally had enough of Bill’s philandering and was seriously considering a divorce. Thus, the cruise. The Princess, commonly referred to as “The Love Boat”, was a ship Hillary had dreamed of sailing upon since she was a child. The storied vessel was said to bring love to all those who set foot on it… and she wanted some.
After casting off, I didn’t take long before she had found her dream. While standing on the Lido deck, wistfully looking out at sea, Hillary happened to catch the eye of bartender Isaac, who sauntered over, smiling with both hands pointing at her as if she were his target.
The two hit it off immediately. They were always in each other’s arms and spent every night together. All seemed to be blissful until, as the cruise was about to end, Isaac ran at her on the very deck on which they met and, with all the strength he could muster, pushed her overboard where she drowned in the depths below.
Isaac was arrested immediately. It turns out he was suspected of being a sociopathic killer and so was under surveillance. Hillary’s murder was witnessed.
Taken out by a serial killer. That is so Hillary.
RIP Hillary. May the bartenders you meet in the afterlife give you nothing but sex on the beach.