Ziggy To Leap Sam Out of Pence After Election


Scientist and hero Sam Beckett has been a lot of things.  Black woman, ersatz Steven King character, civil rights crusader, to name a few.  But his latest time-heisted host is a doozy.  If you think being the albino Sancho Panza to Donald Trump’s Man of LaDouche-a is an easy one, he’s got two words for you.  “Oh boy.”

Blue Velvet Dennis Hopper has two words for you too. Guess what. Both of them are “fuck.”

In his latest quantum trip into the past, Dr. Beckett has struggled with his time as the Vice Presidential cotton swab, doing his best to remain inconsequential in the less up to his mission of assuring Trump a loss in 2020.  According to managing artificial intelligence hologram Al, it’s been a tough ride, but critically important.

“According to Ziggy, if that bulbous simpleton wins, America basically becomes a combination of the futures from the Walking Dead and Back to the Future 2.

“The plan is to do as little damage as possible until the debates.  That’s where Kamala will run riot all over our boy and inspire the big fat one to try harder – which, historically, is when he fails the most.  When he tries to ‘think.’  As soon as the old guy with the normal brain wins and we’re back to a future where Canada ISN’T launching warheads against us, Ziggy said he’ll yank him out.  I think he’s got one of the 1986 Chicago Bears coming up next.  Turns out The ‘Superbowl Shuffle’ is really important to who gets to Mars first.  It’s complicated.”

This is what happens if Sam doesn’t go back and make sure Val Kilmer kicks his addiction to McDonald’s after making “Real Genius.”

Pence has been eerily silent lately, which may indicate that Sam is lost in soliloquy in a convenient broom closet where no one can see him talking to himself.

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