Stage Dive Gone Wrong Takes Hillary Clinton’s Life

The truth is right in front of you

All she wanted was to see her favorite band and she set out last night to do just that, arriving early for the reunion tour of the Dead Kennedys in Seattle, where she was on holiday. Hillary Clinton, while upset about the absence of Jello Biafra, could barely contain her excitement at finally being free from public life and able to support whatever artists she pleased.

As the evening wore on, Hillary could be seen dancing on her own, pumping her first in the air in unison with others, and joining the fray in the mosh pit directly below the stage. She seemed content with these activities….but then decided she wanted a greater thrill.

Mrs Clinton had never done a stage dive before but had always wanted to. Seeing the opportunities now available to her, she climbed up next to the band. Still not content, she climbed atop a speaker stack, and from there she threw her arms in the air, screamed with glee, and let herself fall forward into the sea of bodies below.

Seconds later, Hillary Clinton’s body hit the concrete floor and she died instantly.

It seems that the many arms waiting to catch the former First Lady disappeared as soon as they looked up and realized who she was. The “sea of bodies” parted, and Hillary missed them all. Even in this setting, the people didn’t want her.

RIP Hillary. May your fall from heaven to hell be less painful.