Citing a wealth of experience with handling global pandemics and organizational skills suited to dealing with their aftermath, President Trump has named mysterious Walkin’ Dude Randall Flagg as America’s first Pandemic Czar. Flagg will oversee the Centers for Desease Control, FEMA, and intends to set up his base of operations in Las Vegas, Nevada.
As the Coronavirus spreads, Flagg assured the public via a hastily called press conference, that they could count on trusting “their lives for him”, and smiled menacingly before transforming into a crow and departing as supporters played Blue Oyster Cult’s single “Don’t Fear the Reaper” from a nearby P.A. system.
Other members of Flagg’s team included former independent wheelman Lloyd Heinridge, his wife/mind-controlled concubine Nadine, and a squat mysterious individual known only as “Trashcan Man”, who gleefully set fire to the Press corps after the announcement in order to cause a distraction while he stole old lady Semple’s pension check.
Flagg later assured the nation via Twitter that he would do his best to save the absolute fittest of humanity that he could muster, and left a cryptic message for President Trump an hour later. It read simply : “When I look at you – for some reason – I just see the moon. M O O N. That spells moon.”