Alabama Senate Moves to Overturn Emancipation Proclimation

TAKIN' US BACK TO OLD GLORY!

It appears that after signing legislature to outlaw abortion within the state, Alabama has only just begun to sail towards it’s goal of becoming America’s leader in putting women and minorities back in their place.  Now, the Senate has announced that it intends to bring back : “Grand traditions of American industry and workforce strength” by voting to overturn the emancipation proclimation allowing good white men and women to own slaves once again.

We’re talking all the way back, even before Daryl Hall purchased John Oates at one of Elton John’s yard sales.

Senator Francis Mayonnaise of Alabama’s 3rd district spoke to the Cousin’s Creek Daily Pitchfork about the decision :

“Al’bama’s always been what we like to call a ‘pure’ state, ya see.  Ain’t never had much tolerance for uptight womenfolk thinkin’ they’s the same as a man in the eyes of God.  Likewise, we have fond memories of them days when grandma and grandpa could have a few helpers with their businesses a walking round, and fearin’ of a good whippin’, should they be unproductive.  Now that we got President Trump makin’ everything great again, we felt we could pitch in, as it were, and help out by doing what he and all of us down here do best : going ass backwards.”

Now once we all figure out how to get rid of this new-fangled internet madness, we can get back to growin’ pigs for momma’s famous snout pies.

Governor Kay Ivey will decide whether or not to sign in SB1178-4 sometime next week.  Titled : “The Putting Roots Back In Alabama” bill, if approved, the legislation would make it completely legal to buy, sell, and keep in indentured servitude human beings under the auspices of “household property.”  Some critics of the bill claim that it would violate the 13th amendment of the U.S. Constitution, while supporters believe that upholding individual state’s rights takes precident.

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