Pelosi Subpoenas Melania Trump’s Tax Returns


Citing the completely baseless claim that President Trump may be hiding : “criminal fiscal behavior” by maneuvering money through his wife’s accounts, House Speaker and noted bourbon aficionado Nancy Pelosi issued a subpoena to have the First Lady’s tax returns from the last decade made public for investigation.  Republican lawmakers are furious, calling the move “ridiculous and blatantly partisan.”

Senator Steve King has also accused the Speaker of being blatantly Parisian.

Pelosi spoke to reporters about the tactic from the hot tub of her 700 million dollar San Francisco mansion that you will never have :

“The thing is, Trump is a professional grifter.  Anyone who isn’t part of his paint-huffing base knows this.  So I don’t trust him.  With anything.  I wouldn’t leave my purse within a city block of the man.  Could he be funneling money through his wife?  Of course.  She has no idea what’s going on.  She’s about as clever as a Kiss album.”

The President’s attorney Rudy Giuliani said, during an interview this morning on Fox, that the action had “no groundth whathoever”, and was “an inthulting and childith inthult.”  Senator Lindsey Graham reacted by emitting a horrified high-pitched feminine squeal followed by a bout of projectile urination.  The Speaker certainly knows how to throw the government into catastrophe.

Host Brian Kilmeade made this face while masturbating furiously throughout the segment.

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