Guliani Calls Jim Lahey As Fraud Witness

HERE COMES CRACKIN'!

The aftermath of the 2020 election has become a desperate battle for evidence of voter fraud, and President Trump’s legal Nosferatu Rudy Guliani is stubbornly fighting like Lindsey Graham at a Chippendale’s gloryhole.

                 “Hey get in line, sweetlips!”

After his last stunning display of poop-puff-punctuated testimony by eyewitness and professional Victoria Jackson double Melissa Carone failed to secure the hearts and minds of anyone with Google or experience recognizing a mouth that doubles as a wine rack, the fly-unzipped legal-whip is bringing out the real Kraken : star whistle and Randy blower Jim Lahey.

The 38-year old trailer park supervisor claims to have seen ballots flown to a group of three men in an undisclosed location in Canada.  One, who he’ll only refer to as “That shitapple Ricky” was, according to him, using the critical voting documents to roll up and distribute marijuana cigarettes.

“I was right there,” Lahey told a horny Guliani at a greasy J-Rock panties party last week.  “That shitclam was using those votes alright, for his loser shitjob of selling weed and oil and butter and whateverthefrig.  You know what happens to shitclams Rudy?  They end up mixed into shitguini with shitgarlic, that’s what happens.  I will tell you everything I saw and blowjob this case wide open right down to the brass cracks!”

“That dick Lahey ain’t exactly no professor Steven Hawkwind.”

Lahey is expected to testify live this coming week on Guliani’s own YouTube channel.  Let’s hope he lets the fraud do the talking instead of the liquor.

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