It was a wonderful Kodak moment : President Donald Trump helping someone else hand a giant trophy to a Sumo wrestler. The only way it could have been more Japanese would be if he’d driven off on a super-motorcycle, Tokyo-drifted around a corner, and fired blasts out of eyes to save a group of schoolgirls from a giant robot while shouting: “Akiraaaaaa!”
Despite that fact, White House aides are complaining that the President has not stopped singing the refrain from “Mr. Roboto”, the annoying early 80’s hit by Styx, the same band responsible for telling us all the tale of a sailor who was under the impression that he’d been having an angelic visitation, only to be kidnapped by aliens. There was a lot of crack cocaine in those days.
“This is absolutely worse than that time he figured out how to do armpit farts”, one staffer told our interviewer.
“When he went to Germany, he came back and tried to talk like the Swedish Chef for a week,” said another. “It was fuc*ing Germany. Remember when he met Kim Jong Un those times? He came back and wore fake buck teeth every day and kept nipping at everyone’s balls. He’s super annoying and racist a.f.”
Perhaps the President is simply expressing his delight with our Asian allies in the only way he knows how. Or, maybe the adderall is just starting to dissolve what’s left of one of the hemispheres of his already dementia riddled brain. Well, whatever the case, I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky he didn’t piss himself.