Hillary Decapitated In High-Hat Drumming Accident With Rush Tribute Band

The truth is right in front of you

After the passing of Neil Peart, drummer for the Canadian band Rush, Hillary Clinton was crushed and so depressed it took every bit of effort to lift herself out of bed. She had been a lifelong fan of the drumming icon and a devoted follower of the band.

Her husband, Bill, was a loss as to how to help her get out of this funk. Then one day, the solution came to him.

The former president husband of the former First Lady and Secretary of State roused her from her despondent slumber and convinced her to do what he had always done himself to make himself feel better – turn to music. As we all know, Bill Clinton is an accomplished saxophone player who has played with some of the greats. What is less well-known is that his wife, Hilary, is quite accomplished in her own right. Mrs. Clinton could’ve been a megastar drummer back in her heavy-metal days but left it all to join the public service. Bill convinced her to go back to those roots, to pay tribute to the man she was mourning.

The idea seemed to perk her right up, so she broke out the sticks and skins and began to practice, keeping the beat to all her favorites: Tom Sawyer, Limelight, The Trees, Xanadu…. When she felt ready, husband and wife went out on the road.

Unfortunately, they would not get past the first song of the first set of their first show. While in the middle of it with their Rush cover, YYZ, something truly bizarre happened. A percussion malfunction, a rarity in the industry, caused the top cymbal of Hillary’s high-hat to come flying off its stand upon first chick and fly directly at her throat. Hillary was decapitated, her head sent flying and rolling off at stage left…a fitting end to this tribute to a great man. She was dead as soon as the metal first hit her jugular vein.

RIP Hillary. May you become Neil’s eternal groupie in the sky.