Report: Obama Pissed After Seeing the Shit He Coulda Got Away With

Former President Barack Obama is reportedly pissed off after seeing the shit Trump gets away with, never realizing the office of the president carried so much power. In a statement to Be Best, Obama spokesman Art Tubolls offered some clarification:

“Obama walked on eggshells around Congress for most of his time in office, and now he’s regretting it. Granted, nobody could have foreseen that a President could literally devolve into full-blown dimentia to the point of defending a single gaffe in a tweet about the weather a week ago with charts, graphs, and a signed letter from the NOAA. But still. He figures he missed the boat on something.”

We reminded Tubolls that Obama has made billions off of Obamacare royalties for the use of his name, to which he laughed and walked away.

A source close to the former president says he’s been complaining for months that he should have “pulled the f*ckedup sh*t Trump pulls” to make himself richer, more powerful, and higher in the reality TV ratings:

“That fool needs to keep my name out of his mouth before I show up and kick his candy ass into Lafayette Park.”

The Secret Service didn’t take the statement as a credible threat after hearing that the president’s own family reminded him that he is still, in fact, a black guy.

About Flagg Eagleton 24 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.