After Denmark had the audacity to sell an island full of sovereign people to the United States for…some reason…President Trump canceled his trip there and cleared his schedule. Speaking with Fox and Friends, President Trump said:
“I think it’s very sad that they wouldn’t even negotiate with me over it. I’m the greatest dealmaker of all time, so I get why they’re afraid of me. I respect it. Like respect. The respect. So Norway doesn’t want mine, that’s akoy. I don’t even eat fish and Copenhagen is second rate next to Red Man. American made. Classic formula. Indians. That’s what Greenland could do for Norfolk.
They don’t want it. I understand. America is too great for the Danishes.”
Trump’s approval rating immediately jumped to 91 percent.
With time to spare, Trump decided to take a call from his pal Kim from North Korea, who is more than willing to discuss a real estate deal that will make the Greenland deal look like what happened to the French in Louisiana. Trump spokesman and White House Director of Information and Propaganda, Art Tubolls, says the deal may be worth looking at:
“President Kim has graciously offered to sell the US the island of Guam, which is…somewhere in the ocean. From the numbers we’re seeing, it may be even better than Greenland, because it isn’t covered in ice and its name isn’t fake news.”
President Trump tweeted his thoughts:
What a great idea! If all the immigrants have to come through Guam, they won’t be able to claim the “ports are all closed.” On top of that, research shows us that there are already a bunch of American citizens living there. So there shouldn’t be this uprising to “save the indigenous people.”
Our reporter in the field, Skip Tetheluda, went to Guam and called their embassy in Washington for a quote. Here’s what they told him:
“The people of Guam would be…happy to…become Americans.”
Skip says they were disconnected and that the signal was either very shoddy or that everyone on the other end was laughing so hard that it overloaded the system. We’re upgrading next week.
We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.