Trump to Award Medal of Freedom Posthumously to Nessa Thropp

Nessa Thropp, also known as the Wicked Witch of the East, is being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom after Donald Trump watched the movie for “executive time.” According to aides in the West Wing, the President came down from the residence early, about noon thirty or so, irate that he hadn’t heard of her before:

“He had a printout and he was shouting ‘what’s her name? Why has she been forgotten. Kellyanne got on Google real quick and came up with Nessarose Thropp, and the rest is now…history.”

History indeed. In a statement from the Oval Office, President Trump declared Munchkins an enemy of the people and authorized their extermination:

“We will not stand for this kind of breakerage of the rulings of the law. The law says that Munchins had no right to celebrate the awful demise of their great leader. That means they have no respect and are not very nice people. That makes them rapists and murderers by default. They should be ashamed of themselves.

From what my people tell me, they are most likely confined to the inside of a tornado cone somewhere in Kansas, which will make finding them very difficult. I am declaring a national emergency and diverting all funds from everything else but my big beautiful wall to rooting out these treasonous bastards.

This is why we must remain vigilant and build the wall. Munchkins living in a vortex in Kansas, people. Wake up.”

The President’s approval rating jumped 4 full points in every state in the bottom 10 for education.

President Trump also authorized the formation of The Munchkin Crisis Squad, which falls under the discretionary Space Force and Big Mac funding bill passed by Congress last year. The squad will travel the countryside of Kansas, waiting for the perfect conditions to attempt to locate the Munchkins and either serve them with a Federal Eviction Notice or firebomb them, depending on which opportunity seems more amenable at the time.

The White House has also determined that continuing this story — at this point — is a complete waste of time.

About Flagg Eagleton 20 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.