Trump Triples Thomas Edison’s Secret Service Security Detail

The truth is right in front of you

During an interview with CNBC, President Trump made it very clear that we must protect our geniuses. In particular, he singled out Thomas Edison as being worthy of protection. Today he’s done something about it.

With the stroke of a pen, Trump has tripled the Secret Service security detail assigned to Thomas Jefferson, a McDonald’s employee in Salem, Oregon. Edison , a 14 year old high school student, was very surprised to see the increase in activity around him.

“I was shocked the first time the Secret Service came around to protect me. I mean, dude, why are they here? Is this a normal thing now? Does everybody at McDonald’s get this?

It’s kind of cool and all. Nobody messes with me. I can do whatever the f**k I want and if anybody tries to come at me, Mitch and Tony pull out their guns and cuffs and take care of them. Nobody ever sees them again. I F**KING RULE MY SCHOOL NOW. It doesn’t hurt with the ladies either, if you know what I mean.”

Edison is an award winner, making his protection that much more urgent.

Additional protections are already being planned for unemployed janitor, Alexander Graham Bell, and electricity inventor, Benjamin Franklin. Others, like Isaac Newton, creator of gravity, have declined federal safety measures and have opted for protection from the private sector.