Ever since the Mueller report destroyed the “collusion delusion” of the Democrats and completely exonerated President Trump from any crimes, the loony left has lost its tiny collective mind. A perfect example is Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who has taken it upon herself to set up a meeting with the Impeachment Division of the United Nations, evidently to try to cook up some new and even more phony reason to obstruct America’s most rhinocerosian President.
Who makes up the “Impeachmeent Division”? You may remember the name Aldo Nova, who, in the seventies, oversaw the steps leading up to the ousting of President Nixon. He’s still there. However, the current Impeachment Lieutenant is Mugabwe Bin Hummus Al Farfhegnugen, a black Muslim socialism activist responsible for single-handedly getting Twinkies banned as well as ordering a nude scene removed from the “Tomb Raider” movie so nobody could feast on Anjelina Jolie’s probably flawless wonder lumps.
What can the division do? Well, backed up by tens of thousands of U.N. troops, they could feasibly travel to the homes of each and every U.S. Senator and mayonnaise on the inside of their car door handles. That is not a pleasant sensation when one is about to leave for work. Other tactics these thugs have been known to use to urge an impeachment vote include pouring glitter into air-conditioners, peeing in outdoor pools, and playing the music of Coldplay through bathroom windows. These mercenaries are known for their ruthlessness.
We have little time to stop this plan. Call your Senator and make yourself heard. And while you’re at it, tell your poor mother hello too. She’s been worried sick what with all this fuss about Tide Pods.