After 4 Years, Trump Honored for Ending Vape Crisis


Donald Trump may have ended his single term Presidency with a legacy of abject failure : America’s foreign policy in tatters, the economy a chaotic shambles, and nearly a quarter of a million citizens dead from his almost unbelievable level of incompetence in dealing with a pandemic.  But even the worst leader in all of history can offhandedly accidentally do something kind of vaguely right.

Thanks to former President Trump, no more awkward hipster vegan milennials need lose their lives or respect from the demonic obsession known as “vaping.”  The Bloated Blumpkin of the GOP made short work of a crisis that nearly crippled the country with bar patrons forced to smell hyacinth vapor over their mugs of Pabst and terrified parents shaken to the core by finding cartridges of pumpkin spice liquid in their teenager’s backpacks.

“Man, I was gonna ask Jennifer to the prom – then I saw her vaping. Now I think I’ll just stay home and masturbate to Alicia from Fear the Walking Dead.”

The honor, a certificate and plastic trophy will be presented this December by overweight white protest group Focus on the Family, known for their outward disdain for gay teletubbies, Target restrooms, and anything resembling a vagina.  Many board members of the organization consider vaping : “satanic indoctrination to push good Christians to accept an artificial penis into their mouth as preparation to live in a world of homosexual robots fashioned by Bill Gates.”

“Ex cuse me master. Where is the near est CP30 pos ter?”

So let us give thanks and “props” to, sure, yeah, the definitive worst President in all of recorded history for at least standing up against a fad that was starting to wind down anyway.  He didn’t even need Dr. Fauci for that one.  That triumph was 100% courtesy of Home Alone 2 megastar and prostitute urine enthusiast Donald John Trump.

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