Pelosi’s Final Offer : ‘We’ll Build The Wall For Full Gun Ban’

As the new Congress prepares to take control tomorrow, presumptive Speaker Nancy Pelosi issued a final legislative offer to President Trump this morning : the border wall will be funded and built – in exchange for passing a bill banning the ownership and use of all firearms in the United States by private citizens.  Pelosi’s edict sent shockwaves through Washington.

This recently unearthed antique “wifely swoon-inducer” is rumored to have sent shockwaves through Mrs. Washington.
Pelosi noted that Fema and U.N. troops, already mobile from Operation Jade Helm, are ready to begin house-by-house confiscation, and sites in the Nevada desert and Utah plains have been readied for mass weapon meltdowns and burials.  Liberal gun legislation activists like David Hogg and Taylor Swift have expressed overwhelming support for the ban.

Swift’s newest album “Substandard Pop Artist” has already caused a 14-year old girl in Louisiana to angst herself into a vegetative state.
Pelosi spoke to Fox News’ Panic Advocate Duane Pipe to explain.
“Well, if as the so-called President says, that illegal immigrants are the biggest threat, and the wall will totally secure the border against them, then what do we need guns for?  I mean, we’ll finally be safe, right?  This way, guns won’t be owned by mass shooter psychos or anyone else.  I mean, unless the illegals figure out the advanced technology behind ‘ladders’ and ‘tunnels’ and ‘airplanes.’  But I’m sure a great mind like the one that made a cameo in fucking Home Alone 2 has that all figured out.”

Secret Service agents recently uncovered this tunnel, used by Melania Trump to escape the White House on “date nights”.
With a set deadline of January 5th for the offer, the President and his colleagues will have to consider the exchange – border security for personal disarmament.  Let’s hope the President can bring the Art of the Deal to bear.

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