In his patriotic bid to dutifully follow safety guidelines during this unique time of crisis in America, Doctor Jkeseph Barron, a successful gynecologist in Derry, Maine, has been operating from out of his own home residence for two days. Dedicated to providing his patients with continuing care, the brave vaginal spelunker has vowed to continue his craft to ensure that those who require health and wellness upkeep be tended to.
Now, however, this heroic hidey-hole hamburgler is asking for help from his fellow countrymen in order to survive and serve. Barron has had to organize a Gofundme page in order to replace his sofa, which has been acting as his impromptu tuna table during these stressful and uncertain days. The goal of the campaign, $250, also includes a fee to pay neighbors Kenny and Peter Plumperton, the teenaged sons of next-door neighbor Shelly Plumperton, to carry the old and acid-rain scented divan to the curb before garbage day on Monday.
Although currently, donations have stalled at the $77 dollar mark, the professional porcupine poker is confident that his efforts at charity will pay off in these trying times. Standing on his front porch in a home-made hazmat suit, the fishin’ physician gave reporters from his local newspaper a statement of hope :
“I’m just hoping my fellow Americans and friends can can find it in their hearts to help me continue to find what’s in their ham wallets. That’s what this great country is all about.”