White House Launches Stop Smocking Program

Only Loosers Smock!

Cigarettes take millions of lives every year in America. The nicotine and chemicals contained within take a destructive toll on the human body, causing emphysema, cancer, and more. It’s sad that they are more addictive than heroin.

That’s why the US Government has launched its new cessation program,”Stop Smocking USA”.  The program’s aim is obvious- to prevent existing and future Medicaid recipients from burdening the system. Executive Director for SSUSA, Lisa Lee, tells us more :

”The effects of  smocking- both on the main user and those taking it in second hand – are disastrous to our financial well being. Last year alone, an estimated zillion billion kajillion  were spent on smocking related illnesses in our hospitals across the land. Imagine how high that would have been if we’d actually treated them.

It makes our budget ill and that is what we must vigorously treat. And I’ve seen reports that the smockers don’t fare well either. Something about premature deaths or something. Whatever.”

Through a series of proven effective “Just Say No” ads, Stop Smocking intends to nip the problem in the bud unless, of course, Big Tobacco reverses their reneg on promised campaign donations. Let’s wish them luck!