Hillary Clinton has died in childbirth at the age of 72. Conventional wisdom holds that she should’ve known better than to try to have a child at her advanced age. That would hold true with any human child but for her to have attempted THIS particular pregnancy was, everybody on earth feels, extremely stupid.
What was so special about this pregnancy you ask? It did not involve a human child at all. Or, rather, it did, but only half so. Hillary Clinton was carrying a child conceived with her alien lover. An alien love child.
The former first lady was not shy about sharing this information. She was quite proud of it. She felt it more than adequately addressed the infidelity of her husband, using the fact that she had copulated with another species as a “one-upping” of her marital partner, Bill, who had had numerous affairs over the course of their marriage.
Tragically, the baby did not stay within her for full term and was born prematurely. With human/alien hybrid children, a premature birth does not involve medical intervention. Rather, it involves the child forcing its way from the mother’s uterus by clawing through her organs and flesh of the abdomen to make its own way to the outside world. This is what happened today to a terrified and in agonizing pain Hillary Clinton. The baby’s emergence caused Hillary to bleed out and die.
The father of the child, Xhdyyjvdfii, is a proud papa who had anxiously looked forward to this birth. A bachelor his entire life, he had no prior children of his own and, in his advancing years, he found himself wanting someone to carry on the Yjcgjgiiew name. Hillary Clinton had given him that opportunity.
He spoke with sadness of her passing, but with joy of the miracle they had produced:
“I loved Hillary dearly. I had planned to slaughter Bill and consume flesh soon so that she and I could be together forever.
Alas, it was not meant to be. I’ve lost my future wife but, happily, I have gained a beautiful bundle of joy in my new son, Qtfbhfni. Already, I love him more than any I have ever loved in my life. I will never let any harm come to this beautiful alien/human.
In honor of my dear Hillary, I have named him Khfhgtt.”
RIP Hillary. May you find love again elsewhere in the universe.