In Protest of ‘Anti-Choice’ Laws, Facebook to Eliminate Service in Alabama, Missouri


It looks as if Mark Zuckerberg has decided to make his displeasure with strict anti-abortion laws well-known.

Facebook is free for everyone.  Right up until he decides “everyone” doesn’t include the residents of Alabama and Missouri, whose access to the social media platform will be blocked starting this Sunday evening at 8:00 p.m., PST.  Reactions to the news have run the gamut from amused indifference to crazed psychotic tantrums.  Conservative Christian fecal artist Lenore Titswanker uses Facebook to feature her creations and sell them worldwide.  She also takes great lengths to share any memes or articles that assure her friends and family that she’s a Donald Trump supporter because libtards are trying to gay up the water supply.  Since the announcement, she’s been inconsolable, and may have become wedged in-between her trailer’s chemical toilet and mini-refrigerator.  Neighbors have reported soft moaning noises.

Hans Omaicok of Derpsville, Missouri, uses his personal page to live stream footage of the birds outside of his house to NASA, believing that they are aliens, taken bird form to spy on humanity before attacking in great egg-shaped ships.  Even though NASA officials have blocked his transmissions for the past four years, Hans’s warnings will go unheeded.  What does Mr. Zuckerberg hope to accomplish by depriving these poor people of the gift he offered them so openly?  The mogul spoke to Sanders Batt of LLOD because it is her birthday :

“Well, I did invent the thing.  So when a bunch of backwards old mutants decide that they should be able to have any say in what a woman does in her private life, and then push that obnoxious piety to a legal level, I cut them off.  Those aren’t the kind of people I want on Facebook.  And there’s nothing they can do about it.  More than half of them can’t even understand how to upload a profile picture.  Screw them.  I don’t care.  I’m going to go take a bath in organic gold flakes.”

He just yesterday iinvented a machine that brews perfect coffee, manipulates your genetalia, and runs Netflix all at the same time, but only liberals can have that too. You other people have fun in church, tho.

I guess we’ll all have to do without our friends in those states for awhile.  At least until the day comes when Mark Zuckerberg realizes that the one and only reason he’s alive today, is because he wasn’t aborted.

help end this dystopian nightmare!


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